Jimmy

Interviewer: What is your birth date?

Jimmy: 13th October

Interviewer: Which year?

Jimmy: .....EVERY YEAR
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Interviewer: Just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Jimmy: Its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
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Jimmy went in a hotel. 

To wash hands he went to the washbasin.

There he started washing the basin.

After watching this, the manager asked what was he doing.

Jimmy pointed towards the board "WASH BASIN"

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When Jimmy was traveling with his wife in a Taxi, the driver adjusted mirror.
Jimmy shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back.
I will drive.

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One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Jimmy- "Any great man born in this city"???

Jimmy: No sir, only small Babies!!!

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After returning back to Australia from a foreign trip,

Jimmy asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why?

Jimmy: In London a lady asked me,"Are you a foreigner?".

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Manager asked to Jimmy at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than
100 letters in it?


Jimmy replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

Teacher And Jack

TEACHER: Why are you late?

JACK: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

JACK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

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Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer
interested?

JACK: A teacher!

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Teacher: Now, JACK, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?


JACK: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.


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Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?


JACK: Brotherly love.
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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"


JACK: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."


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Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"


JACK: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."

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TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

JACK: Don't bite any.

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TEACHER: Jack, why do you always get so dirty?

JACK: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER: JACK, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

JACK: Me!

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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, Jack, who discovered America?

JACK: George!

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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

JACK: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

JACK: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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TEACHER: JACK, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?

JACK: You told me to do it without using tables!

Father And Son And Results

A father passing by his son's bedroom

was astonished to see the bed nicely

made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up

prominently on the pillow. It was

addressed, "Dad". With the worst

premonition, he opened the envelope

and read the letter with trembling

hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow

that I'm writing you. I had to elope

with my new girlfriend because I

wanted to avoid a scene with you and

Mom.

I've been finding real passion with

Joan and she is so nice. I knew you

would not approve of her because of

all her piercings, tattoos, her tight

motorcycle clothes and because she is

so much older than I am but it's not

only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very

happy. She owns a trailer in the woods

and has a stack of firewood, enough

for the whole winter. We share a dream

of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact

that marijuana doesn't really hurt

anyone. We'll be growing it and

trading it with the other people in

the commune for all the cocaine and

ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that

science will find a cure for AIDS so

Joan can get better; she sure deserves

it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now

and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to

visit so you can get to know your

grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Tommy's house. I just

wanted to remind you that there are

worse things in life than the report

card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for

me to come home!

Teacher And Student

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: Singapore , Sir.

Teacher: Which part?

Student: All of me, Sir.

Simon And Teacher

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Simon: No, teacher. It's the same dog!

Man And Boy

Man: How old is your father?

Boy: 1 year older then me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I

was born

Father And Son

Father: Why did you fail your

Mathematics Test?

Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8

Father: So?

Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.

On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8.

If she can't make up her mind, how do

I know the right answer?

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Son: Dad, can you write in the dark?


FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?


Son: Your sign on this report card.

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A boy came home from school with his

exam results.

"What did you get?" asked his father.

"My marks are under water," said the

boy.

"What do you mean 'under water'?"

" They are all below 'C' (sea) level!"

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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son: That's why I say she's no good!

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Mother And David

Mother: David, come here.

David: Yes, mum.

Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother: I know that, but I'm going Hong Kong tomorrow so I'm scolding you now.

Ted And Teacher

Teacher: Ted, if your fatherhas $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted: $10.

Teacher: You don't know Maths.

Ted: You don't know my father!